I had a so-called ‘health check’ recently as part of a government drive to improve the health of the nation, however, it’s the bedside manner of our GP’s (doctors to all my readers Stateside!) that needs overhauling – get a load of this conversation!The surgery left a message on my answerphone asking me to contact them on a ‘non urgent’ basis; they had the results of my blood test etc. Fair enough, I thought, non urgent means, perhaps, my blood pressure is a little out or my cholesterol levels too high. I attended the surgery and, as I entered the doctor’s office, I was greeted with: ‘Good Morning Mr Hopkins,’ followed by silence as he played with his computer mouse. About 60 seconds later, still fumbling, he said: “I’ve lost your results off the screen.” More silence. Eventually he opened his mouth and said: “You have a 12% chance of a heart attack.” Silence.
“Ok,” said I. “Is that today, tomorrow or this century?” The sarcasm escaped him. “We could put you on Statin, ” he said. “Oh, what’s that?” I quizzed. “It gets cholestoral levels down,” he said.
Ah, a clue. My cholesterol level was too high! “What are you benchmarking my 12% against?” I asked.
“Well the government recommends Statin when there’s a 20% risk of a heart attack.”
“But I’m at 12%.”
“Erm,” he pondered. “There’s always drastic dieting and diet change instead of drugs.”
“But I’m 140 pounds – the same weight as I was aged 18 – I don’t smoke or drink and I eat 5 pieces of fruit and vegetables a day and, correct me if I’m wrong, there’s an 88% chance that I WON’T have a heart attack? Just out of interest, what foodstuffs do you recommend I give up?”
“Anything nice I suppose.”
I thanked my doctor for his input – we discussed, briefly, the de-merits of biscuits (cookies!), fish and chips (fast food) and too much cheese – and as I was about to leave the office an almost concerned expression appeared on his pan face. “We’d better test you again,” he said.
“But of course,” I replied. “Next week, today, perhaps now?”
“No,” he said. “Five years will be fine. Thanks Mr Hopkins.”
……………..need I say more?